I have been trying to get off the weight with Team Beach Body Slim in Six video, and Nestor has rejoined the gym this week, but we have decided to take it a step further to the way we eat. Man I love food, and so does Nestor. I love making up recipes and whipping together fancy meals like seafood fettuccine alfredo. So this change is going to be hard for us, but we both realize the importance of maintaining a healthy weight and teaching Gabriel how to eat healthy. So does this new diet have to be a bad thing? I'm hoping not. I'm sure with a little practice I will be able to put together some delicious meals that are good for us.
What does this diet entail? Here are our rules:
Little to no bread
Limit foods high in carbs (like pasta, boo.)
Little to no processed foods
No processed drinks or soda
No caffeinated drinks
Little to no red meats
Lots of water
Milk and some juice is OK
Lots of fruits and veggies
Limit eating out
Limit desserts (which I love making!)
No fried foods
When I say limit I mean almost none. But I have a hard time saying never, because there are always family dinners and special occasions, and you gotta cheat every once in a while.
That's it. I don't think it will be too hard. These are things we should be doing already. I will be cooking more from scratch, but I already do a lot of that. The hardest part will be finding recipes that we enjoy. Practice makes perfect. Wish us luck!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
A Beauty That's Eternal
I am not sexy. Pre-Gabriel I often felt sexy, now I never feel attractive. The price some women must pay for the joy of a child. I traded my hot pink and lacey Victoria's Secret bras for nude nursing bras, my tan, tight skin for pale flab, and a smooth tummy and legs for stretch marks and varicose veins. I am 28 pounds overweight. I don't have time to wax, shave everyday, or paint my toe nails, or give myself manicures. I have very few clothes and shoes for that matter that fit me, and I may never where lingerie, a bikini, bathing suit, shorts, short dresses, or short skirts again. I am not sexy.
This is hard. Having all these stretch marks has been hard. Loosing this weight has been hard. I have never struggled with loosing weight until now. I feel like I may never be attractive again. All I can do is remind myself of what is important.
1. I am a mother. I have Gabriel who is my world and I would never take that back. I love him so much!
2. Who I am is more valuable than how I look. I strive to be a woman that serves the lord. I have compassion and mercy, love and tenderness in my heart. And that makes who I am worth while.
3. Nestor thinks I am beautiful. My true love still loves to be close to me. He still tells me I'm attractive and the sweet way he looks and me and treats me makes me think he really believes that I am beautiful.
I am a very blessed woman. I have so much love in my life. I only wish I could feel good about myself. But you know, all my life I have tried so hard to make myself beautiful inside and out. I think at times I have placed too much importance on the outward part.
Maybe this is God's not so subtle way of telling me that my worth far outweighs my outward appearance. Maybe I placed limits on my beauty when I focused too much on the way I looked. Maybe God needed to removed the limits I placed in order to show me a beauty and value far beyond what I was capable of.
This is hard. Having all these stretch marks has been hard. Loosing this weight has been hard. I have never struggled with loosing weight until now. I feel like I may never be attractive again. All I can do is remind myself of what is important.
1. I am a mother. I have Gabriel who is my world and I would never take that back. I love him so much!
2. Who I am is more valuable than how I look. I strive to be a woman that serves the lord. I have compassion and mercy, love and tenderness in my heart. And that makes who I am worth while.
3. Nestor thinks I am beautiful. My true love still loves to be close to me. He still tells me I'm attractive and the sweet way he looks and me and treats me makes me think he really believes that I am beautiful.
I am a very blessed woman. I have so much love in my life. I only wish I could feel good about myself. But you know, all my life I have tried so hard to make myself beautiful inside and out. I think at times I have placed too much importance on the outward part.
Maybe this is God's not so subtle way of telling me that my worth far outweighs my outward appearance. Maybe I placed limits on my beauty when I focused too much on the way I looked. Maybe God needed to removed the limits I placed in order to show me a beauty and value far beyond what I was capable of.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Tug
There is an aching, a deep longing in my heart. I have a calling on my life. And I don't know what that calling is. I know I am meant for some kind of ministry, and it use to be my strong belief that I was called to be a missionary in Africa, but I don't think that is what God has for me anymore. It is hard to be patient waiting for God to speak to me, especially when the calling is so strong.
All my life I have felt the tug of the calling. I have laid awake many nights troubled over it, trying to plan it and understand it, but to no success. I have spent many prayers crying, offering God my life, and desperately asking him to use me and make me usable. Three years ago I decided to stop trying to force myself into any roles that God did not have for me; I needed to wait for God to reveal to me His plan. I am still waiting. I might have many more years of waiting.
I sense that God is preparing me. He is getting everything ready, slowly giving me the tools I will need. He has chosen not to tell me His plans, but He won't let me forget that He has them. Every time I hear someone's testimony...tug. Every time I feel His presence in a worship service...tug. Every time I see the needs in peoples' lives...tug. Every time I see God's grace and revival...tug, tug, tug. The tug of the calling is like a hook in my spirit. Its sunk deep into me, gripping me with a force that I cannot ignore, nor do I want to.
The calling is beautiful. It gives me hope and passion.
The calling is painful. It makes my soul weep for the broken as if they were my children.
The calling is discipline. It pushes me to love better and serve Christ deeper.
I don't know what lies before me. I don't know what my calling entails, but I know God's timing is perfect. And even this time of waiting is valuable and purposed.
So I wait. And in the meantime....
TUG.
All my life I have felt the tug of the calling. I have laid awake many nights troubled over it, trying to plan it and understand it, but to no success. I have spent many prayers crying, offering God my life, and desperately asking him to use me and make me usable. Three years ago I decided to stop trying to force myself into any roles that God did not have for me; I needed to wait for God to reveal to me His plan. I am still waiting. I might have many more years of waiting.
I sense that God is preparing me. He is getting everything ready, slowly giving me the tools I will need. He has chosen not to tell me His plans, but He won't let me forget that He has them. Every time I hear someone's testimony...tug. Every time I feel His presence in a worship service...tug. Every time I see the needs in peoples' lives...tug. Every time I see God's grace and revival...tug, tug, tug. The tug of the calling is like a hook in my spirit. Its sunk deep into me, gripping me with a force that I cannot ignore, nor do I want to.
The calling is beautiful. It gives me hope and passion.
The calling is painful. It makes my soul weep for the broken as if they were my children.
The calling is discipline. It pushes me to love better and serve Christ deeper.
I don't know what lies before me. I don't know what my calling entails, but I know God's timing is perfect. And even this time of waiting is valuable and purposed.
So I wait. And in the meantime....
TUG.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
A God Ordained Meeting
I have really wanted to share this story for a while now.
I went to the Clackamas mall with my sister and my mom when I was about six or seven months pregnant. We were eating and visiting in the food court when two ladies, an older one and a younger one came up to me. The younger lady introduced herself and the other woman and said,
"We love Jesus....and we are doing a prayer scavenger hunt. We saw that you were pregnant and wondered if we could pray for you."
I was skeptical at first. I didn't know these ladies. They said they loved Jesus but that didn't tell me what they believed, or whether it lined up with the word of God. But I figured prayer could never hurt. So I agreed.
They began asking me questions about my baby, if it was a boy or girl, about the father, if I was married. They asked if my marriage was going well.
"What's the baby's name?" They continued with the questioning.
"It's Gabriel." I told them.
"Gabriel. That's a beautiful name. Are you familiar with Gabriel the angel?"
"Yes, actually I'm a believer too." I told them. They were pleased when I told them this and finished there questioning. They asked permission to lay hands on me and began praying.
The older woman prayed first. As she began to pray I felt the Holy Spirit, and I relaxed. I could tell by her prayer that she and God weren't strangers. She prayed for my baby, for his health, for the upcoming delivery. She stopped and asked me if there was anything wrong in my body that might effect my baby or delivery. At the time I told her no, but looking back I realize God may have been speaking to her about my pelvic structure.
She continued to pray and I could feel the Holy Spirit moving through her as she prayed. She prayed for my marraige and then she began praying for things going on in my heart that she couldn't have possibly known. She then grew quiet. With eyes still closed she began to speak to me.
"I see a peace in you," she said. "I just sense God's peace all over you. I feel like there is this 'impossible' prayer, if you will, that you have been praying. You been praying it for a long time and you feel like there is no way God could ever answer it. You feel like it will never happen. But He wants you to know He is going to answer that prayer." As she was speaking tears began filling my eyes and lump formed in my throat. I knew what prayer she was talking about. I was moved. God had heard me, He still cared about me. He cared enough to send these two ladies to pray for me and speak into my life, and even better. He was promising to come through for me.
Then she opened her eyes and looked at me. "Does this sound like its right? Is this applying to you?" She asked.
"Ya," I said softly and roughly through tears. She finished praying for me and the younger girl began to pray. Afterward she said as she was praying she saw a trumpet and she felt like Gabriel was going to be a worshiper of God. That blessed me.
What an amazing experience. It must have taken a lot of courage for them to come up to a stranger. But what a God ordained meeting it turned out to be! God went out of his way to show me He hasn't forgot about me. He always hears me, and He is getting ready to do something miraculous. He's going to answer my 'impossible' prayer.
I went to the Clackamas mall with my sister and my mom when I was about six or seven months pregnant. We were eating and visiting in the food court when two ladies, an older one and a younger one came up to me. The younger lady introduced herself and the other woman and said,
"We love Jesus....and we are doing a prayer scavenger hunt. We saw that you were pregnant and wondered if we could pray for you."
I was skeptical at first. I didn't know these ladies. They said they loved Jesus but that didn't tell me what they believed, or whether it lined up with the word of God. But I figured prayer could never hurt. So I agreed.
They began asking me questions about my baby, if it was a boy or girl, about the father, if I was married. They asked if my marriage was going well.
"What's the baby's name?" They continued with the questioning.
"It's Gabriel." I told them.
"Gabriel. That's a beautiful name. Are you familiar with Gabriel the angel?"
"Yes, actually I'm a believer too." I told them. They were pleased when I told them this and finished there questioning. They asked permission to lay hands on me and began praying.
The older woman prayed first. As she began to pray I felt the Holy Spirit, and I relaxed. I could tell by her prayer that she and God weren't strangers. She prayed for my baby, for his health, for the upcoming delivery. She stopped and asked me if there was anything wrong in my body that might effect my baby or delivery. At the time I told her no, but looking back I realize God may have been speaking to her about my pelvic structure.
She continued to pray and I could feel the Holy Spirit moving through her as she prayed. She prayed for my marraige and then she began praying for things going on in my heart that she couldn't have possibly known. She then grew quiet. With eyes still closed she began to speak to me.
"I see a peace in you," she said. "I just sense God's peace all over you. I feel like there is this 'impossible' prayer, if you will, that you have been praying. You been praying it for a long time and you feel like there is no way God could ever answer it. You feel like it will never happen. But He wants you to know He is going to answer that prayer." As she was speaking tears began filling my eyes and lump formed in my throat. I knew what prayer she was talking about. I was moved. God had heard me, He still cared about me. He cared enough to send these two ladies to pray for me and speak into my life, and even better. He was promising to come through for me.
Then she opened her eyes and looked at me. "Does this sound like its right? Is this applying to you?" She asked.
"Ya," I said softly and roughly through tears. She finished praying for me and the younger girl began to pray. Afterward she said as she was praying she saw a trumpet and she felt like Gabriel was going to be a worshiper of God. That blessed me.
What an amazing experience. It must have taken a lot of courage for them to come up to a stranger. But what a God ordained meeting it turned out to be! God went out of his way to show me He hasn't forgot about me. He always hears me, and He is getting ready to do something miraculous. He's going to answer my 'impossible' prayer.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Proverbs 31:10-31
10 [a]A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gates.
Lord, may I be humbled and find favor in you, as a woman who fears the Lord.
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gates.
Lord, may I be humbled and find favor in you, as a woman who fears the Lord.
Achilles' Ankle
My very own Achilles' ankle was born on September 30th, 2010. Tiny arms and legs wrapped snugly in a receiving blanket and placed in my arms, and little eyes staring up at me with strange recognition changed me forever. We looked at each other for the first time; the unspoken love between us was strong. What did I do to deserve this gift? The special place I held in my heart for Gabriel during my pregnancy grew as we watched each other. At the same time I felt something else appear that had never been there before. A weak spot. Small, but powerful. My heart was softened by this tiny spot, and I will never be the same.
The day my son was born was the day GOD gave me something beyond meaningful in my life. Gabriel is an extension of me. My heart is full to the brim with love for him. Every protective instinct I posses is on alert. If only I could keep him from heartbreak, if only I could shield him from any pain or physical harm. Whenever he is in pain, I am in agony. My weak spot is powered by the level of importance he holds in my life, and the knowledge that I have such limited control over his life. If I were to ever loose him, I feel like I would loose myself.
And so I walk around, constantly feeling my Achilles' ankle present with me. I feel so vulnerable now. All I can do is love my son the best that I can, trust GOD to take care of him (because HE loves Gabriel more than I ever could), and be thankful for heart that is softer. I am so thankful that GOD has given me this gift.
I can only be in awe of Abraham who loved GOD so much that he was willing to sacrifice his son for HIM. And even deeper than that is my FATHER who sent HIS own SON to born a humble birth and to be a sacrifice for me. What beautiful love...
Friday, December 31, 2010
107 in 2011!
So...I gained 42 pounds during my pregnancy. It's been three months and I've lost 28 lbs, 14 lbs to go! Yaya! That's pretty good. Unfortunately, I was a little overweight when I got pregnant so I actually have more to loose. I plan on getting down to my weight when I met Nestor which was 107 lbs. That sounds like a tiny number, but I'm only 5 ft tall so its really not. A total 39 lbs and I'm at my goal weight. Really hoping to get there, but I'm not in a huge rush. Gonna eat right and exercise! Excited to be thin again! So that my new year's resolution. Hello 2011, goodbye baby weight!
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