Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Not So Perfect
I have been struggling a lot lately. I'm feeling attacked on all sides. At the same time Christ has been calling to me and I have been desperately reaching out my arms to Him. I feel like I am connected to Him by just a finger's grasp while the war rages on around me. Don't let me go, sweet Jesus. I need You to hold onto me. I am small and frail, and I can't see through this chaos. My eyes desperately watch yours. I think if I look away for a even a second I will be lost.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
"Blessings"
Nestor and I had a deep conversation the other night about what was going on in our hearts. Then we heard this song that covered everything we were talking about. It is an amazing song. Made me cry
Laura Story- Blessings
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
Laura Story- Blessings
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
This is War
Dear Stronghold,
I have laid in surrender while you have tortured me. I have soaked up all your deceit and eaten all your tasty lies. I have gorged myself full of them until sick and ready to vomit. I once tried to fight you, but I was weak and small. I had no strength and soon found myself no match for you, and was quickly defeated. I have tried to hide from you. Pretended you didn't exist and told myself you never had. I have tried to disguise you. I have dressed you up with every article of disguise I could find. I have tried to ignore you. But I always knew you were there. I could see you out of the corner of my eye. After all these failed attempts, I once again laid down while you taunted me and fed me lies. How wicked and dark you are to keep a prisoner for so long. But I'm tired of this charade, and I won't lie down any longer. I won't believe this is my fate. Though through all these years I have had little progress in getting rid of you, I have not given up. In fact I am more determined than ever. You will not steal one more moment from me. This is my life. My soul. My heart. I do not belong to you. I am the child of the Living God. To hear his Name you tremble in fear. This is your formal warning. I am back. I'm ready to fight. And this time...I brought my Friend.
I have laid in surrender while you have tortured me. I have soaked up all your deceit and eaten all your tasty lies. I have gorged myself full of them until sick and ready to vomit. I once tried to fight you, but I was weak and small. I had no strength and soon found myself no match for you, and was quickly defeated. I have tried to hide from you. Pretended you didn't exist and told myself you never had. I have tried to disguise you. I have dressed you up with every article of disguise I could find. I have tried to ignore you. But I always knew you were there. I could see you out of the corner of my eye. After all these failed attempts, I once again laid down while you taunted me and fed me lies. How wicked and dark you are to keep a prisoner for so long. But I'm tired of this charade, and I won't lie down any longer. I won't believe this is my fate. Though through all these years I have had little progress in getting rid of you, I have not given up. In fact I am more determined than ever. You will not steal one more moment from me. This is my life. My soul. My heart. I do not belong to you. I am the child of the Living God. To hear his Name you tremble in fear. This is your formal warning. I am back. I'm ready to fight. And this time...I brought my Friend.
Friday, June 3, 2011
YOU ARE GOD
In the darkness a girl cried out,
"GOD WHO ARE YOU!? WHY DO YOU DO THE THINGS YOU DO IN THE WAY THAT YOU DO THEM?"
She felt far away from God lately. For the first time she was asking questions that she had never dared to ask. She was desperate to understand this Creator that she had always worshiped. Who was He REALLY? What did his personality look like? How could she ever have a closer relationship with Him when He was not physical and she was full of sin?
In the darkness she received no answers. No booming voice sounded from heaven. There was silence.....
But the morning came with light streaming through the windows and a familiar song pierced her heart....
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin
You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost it's sting
Oh, I'm running to your arms,
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go
Oh, I'm running to your arms
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
My heart will sing
no other name
Jesus, Jesus
Oh, I'm running to your arms
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
-FOREVER REIGN, HILLSONG
The girl was beginning to get some answers. And suddenly she no longer felt ashamed for questioning. She realized her heart was to truly KNOW God for WHO He is, and there was no shame in that.
"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."
JEREMIAH 29:13 (NASB)
"GOD WHO ARE YOU!? WHY DO YOU DO THE THINGS YOU DO IN THE WAY THAT YOU DO THEM?"
She felt far away from God lately. For the first time she was asking questions that she had never dared to ask. She was desperate to understand this Creator that she had always worshiped. Who was He REALLY? What did his personality look like? How could she ever have a closer relationship with Him when He was not physical and she was full of sin?
In the darkness she received no answers. No booming voice sounded from heaven. There was silence.....
But the morning came with light streaming through the windows and a familiar song pierced her heart....
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin
You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost it's sting
Oh, I'm running to your arms,
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go
Oh, I'm running to your arms
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
My heart will sing
no other name
Jesus, Jesus
Oh, I'm running to your arms
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
-FOREVER REIGN, HILLSONG
The girl was beginning to get some answers. And suddenly she no longer felt ashamed for questioning. She realized her heart was to truly KNOW God for WHO He is, and there was no shame in that.
"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."
JEREMIAH 29:13 (NASB)
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Jesus Wept
Man, I've been seeing so much hurt around me lately. Car accidents, deaths, cancer, divorce, tornadoes, earthquakes, devastation. Then there are the not so obvious hurts, the ones we all hold inside of us but rarely speak of. Sometimes there are people in our lives who can comfort us through the pain, but many times we resolve to suffer and cope in silence.Christ tells us to "cast our burdens on Him, for He cares for [us]" Too often we bear much of our burdens on our own. We may offer God part of our load, but rarely do we give him the whole thing. I am guilty of this as well. I have a bad habit of viewing God as a disappointed Father, knowing that I don't measure up to His commands. I fail to see how compassion and empathetic He is. He is the very definition of understanding. He feels our pain just as strongly as we do.
John 11:11-35
11 After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.”
12 His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.” 13 Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep.
14 So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, 15 and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.”
16 Then Thomas (also known as Didymus[a]) said to the rest of the disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”
Jesus Comforts the Sisters of Lazarus
17 On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. 18 Now Bethany was less than two miles[b] from Jerusalem, 19 and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. 20 When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.
21 “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22 But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”
23 Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”
24 Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”
25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; 26 and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
27 “Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”
28 After she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.” 29 When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. 30 Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. 31 When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.
32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
35 Jesus wept.
Whenever I read this story in the past I always assume Jesus wept for his friend Lazarus. But this morning while I read this familiar passage I really notice the moment when Jesus began weeping. He didn't cry when He knew Lazarus had died, in fact He said that he would live again. But "when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled." He asked where he was laid, and THEN Jesus wept. I can't help but think that Jesus wasn't mourning the death of a friend he knew he would see that same day alive. He was crying because he saw Mary's pain and the pain of her friends and His heart was broken for them.
Jesus can see our pain just the same. His heart breaks for us and weeps for us. We can give our Lord our full burdens and rest in Him knowing that He is the only who really does understand our pain. In fact, He feels our pain just as strongly as we feel it. This greatly encouraged me today. God is a compassionate and empathetic God and He never forgets about us. Even when we fail Him He knows our hearts. All He feels for us is love, and when we cry, so does He.
John 11:11-35
11 After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.”
12 His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.” 13 Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep.
14 So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, 15 and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.”
16 Then Thomas (also known as Didymus[a]) said to the rest of the disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”
Jesus Comforts the Sisters of Lazarus
17 On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. 18 Now Bethany was less than two miles[b] from Jerusalem, 19 and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. 20 When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.
21 “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22 But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”
23 Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”
24 Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”
25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; 26 and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
27 “Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”
28 After she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.” 29 When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. 30 Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. 31 When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.
32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
35 Jesus wept.
Whenever I read this story in the past I always assume Jesus wept for his friend Lazarus. But this morning while I read this familiar passage I really notice the moment when Jesus began weeping. He didn't cry when He knew Lazarus had died, in fact He said that he would live again. But "when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled." He asked where he was laid, and THEN Jesus wept. I can't help but think that Jesus wasn't mourning the death of a friend he knew he would see that same day alive. He was crying because he saw Mary's pain and the pain of her friends and His heart was broken for them.
Jesus can see our pain just the same. His heart breaks for us and weeps for us. We can give our Lord our full burdens and rest in Him knowing that He is the only who really does understand our pain. In fact, He feels our pain just as strongly as we feel it. This greatly encouraged me today. God is a compassionate and empathetic God and He never forgets about us. Even when we fail Him He knows our hearts. All He feels for us is love, and when we cry, so does He.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Love Room: Occupied
I just started reading this book on my Kindle for wives. It's called Capture His Heart: Becoming the Godly Wife Your Husband Desires by Lysa TerKeurst. So far I've read two chapters and already I have been given such great insights that I wanted to share some.
So maybe some of you reading this have already figured out what I'm about to share with you, but I have only been married for almost two years coming up this August.That is hardly a lifetime like some of you seasoned wifeys out there.
Now, I just want to say my husband is so amazing and sweet. My marriage has been so blessed and I don't want to give the impression by the title of this book that I'm trying to make my husband love me more or fall in love with me. He already loves me sooo much, and he tells me and shows me all the time how in love with me he is. He's such a blessing to me!
I picked up this book due to a deep stirring that has been going on in my heart. I can't fully explain what I mean by that even to myself. But I feel my heart changing and my desires and emotions changing. I feel...provoked. A good kind of a provoked. I'm not satisfied (in a good way). I feel like my heart is cut open and raw and crying out for me to do something different. I am not enough. I need more of God. I need to disappear till Christ's hand is all you see.
So lately I have begun this journey. And to be honest so far it hasn't been easy. From the start it has been a constant tug-of-war. I want to let go of the rope, but my hands feel glued. Its a battle between my will and total surrender.
It is because of this stirring that I have been working on becoming a more godly woman. And because of my son and husband and my love for them.
So, I'm reading this book. And...I've read marriage books before. I was expecting it to be helpful and remind me how to treat Nestor. What I wasn't expecting was for God to hit the nail on the head with this book! Honestly, haven't I learned by now? God always has a plan up his sleeve. He is so awesome!
Alright so I've kept you all waiting long enough. Lysa TerKeurst explained in her chapter entitled, "Every Husband Makes a Poor God", very simply that we all, women especially, have a special placed in ourselves that has a strong desire to feel loved. The mistake many women make is to try and fill their need for love completely with their husband. The problem is that, that place in our hearts that longs to feel loved was meant for God to fill. So our husbands cannot fully satisfy that need because they were never meant to, and they don't have the capacity to love as God does. If we try to fill our love room with our husbands it will only be draining on them and we will never be really satisfied.
This was such an obvious, yet mind blowing statement for me. If I looked for God to fulfill my needs for love before I look to my husband I know it was change my whole perceptive on my marriage. To fully love my husband I must love God first.
Wow, what a great lesson learned. God really has great plans for me. I just have to say, 'yes'. That's all for now. Thanks for reading. Hope it encourages someone.
Blessings friends.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Update
SO proud of my hubby for loosing 16 lbs in less than three weeks! I've lost 8 lbs in that same time frame. So I'm now 10 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight, and 23 lbs away from my goal weight!
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