Not So Perfect

I have been struggling a lot lately. I'm feeling attacked on all sides. At the same time Christ has been calling to me and I have been desperately reaching out my arms to Him. I feel like I am connected to Him by just a finger's grasp while the war rages on around me. Don't let me go, sweet Jesus. I need You to hold onto me. I am small and frail, and I can't see through this chaos. My eyes desperately watch yours. I think if I look away for a even a second I will be lost.

"Blessings"

Nestor and I had a deep conversation the other night about what was going on in our hearts. Then we heard this song that covered everything we were talking about. It is an amazing song. Made me cry

Laura Story- Blessings

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

This is War

Dear Stronghold,

I have laid in surrender while you have tortured me. I have soaked up all your deceit and eaten all your tasty lies. I have gorged myself full of them until sick and ready to vomit. I once tried to fight you, but I was weak and small. I had no strength and soon found myself no match for you, and was quickly defeated. I have tried to hide from you. Pretended you didn't exist and told myself you never had. I have tried to disguise you. I have dressed you up with every article of disguise I could find. I have tried to ignore you. But I always knew you were there. I could see you out of the corner of my eye. After all these failed attempts, I once again laid down while you taunted me and fed me lies. How wicked and dark you are to keep a prisoner for so long. But I'm tired of this charade, and I won't lie down any longer. I won't believe this is my fate. Though through all these years I have had little progress in getting rid of you, I have not given up. In fact I am more determined than ever. You will not steal one more moment from me. This is my life. My soul. My heart. I do not belong to you. I am the child of the Living God. To hear his Name you tremble in fear. This is your formal warning. I am back. I'm ready to fight. And this time...I brought my Friend.

YOU ARE GOD

In the darkness a girl cried out,

"GOD WHO ARE YOU!? WHY DO YOU DO THE THINGS YOU DO IN THE WAY THAT YOU DO THEM?"

She felt far away from God lately. For the first time she was asking questions that she had never dared to ask. She was desperate to understand this Creator that she had always worshiped. Who was He REALLY? What did his personality look like? How could she ever have a closer relationship with Him when He was not physical and she was full of sin?

In the darkness she received no answers. No booming voice sounded from heaven. There was silence.....

But the morning came with light streaming through the windows and a familiar song pierced her heart....


You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost it's sting

Oh, I'm running to your arms,
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I'm running to your arms
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other name
Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I'm running to your arms
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

-FOREVER REIGN, HILLSONG


The girl was beginning to get some answers. And suddenly she no longer felt ashamed for questioning. She realized her heart was to truly KNOW God for WHO He is, and there was no shame in that.

"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."
JEREMIAH 29:13 (NASB)