1:30am monday morning, September 27th, 2010, ten days past my due date I woke up with a desperate need to use the bathroom. My stomach hurt so bad and I was half asleep. After attempting to use the bathroom and being unsuccessful I realized that this was it. This was the moment I had been waiting for. I was in labor, and it hurt. No surprise there. I was ready to take this on.
I was in too much pain to sleep so I took a warm bath, and just let myself soak in the tub for a while, then I went to the kitchen and did my dishes in between contractions. I knew it was silly, but I really wanted to have them done so I didn't have to come home to them. The next task I took on was to finish packing our hospital bags. I figured I wanted to have everything done while my pain was minimal. I was trying not to wake Nestor, but all my activities woke him up. He walked sleepily into the living room and look at me confused.
"What's going on?" He asked. I thought it should be obvious.
"I'm in labor." I told him. He was excited and said he would stay up with me, but after about an hour, I thought it would be best if we both went back to bed to try and get some rest.
My contractions were mild compared to what would come, but they were coming every 2-7 minutes, and I thought this must be a good sign that things are moving along. Everyone told me beforehand to go to the hospital when the contractions were 5 minutes apart. I knew it wasn't time yet though. Painful as my contractions were, I knew they needed to get stronger. So I laid in bed resting. I couldn't sleep but it was nice just to lay there. I was anxious and excited, and every minute felt like eternity. Nestor and I talked for a while trying to figure out when to go to the hospital, and sharing our excitement that we were finally going to meet our baby boy. I figured he would be born that day. Eventually Nestor fell asleep and I was left awake unable to sleep through my contractions. Finally I decided to text my mom and tell her that I was in labor. I felt guilty for waking her up, but she had told me earlier that she wanted to know right away when the time came.
Of course my mom couldn't sleep after that so she came over to be with me, and I got out of bed to bounce on my birthing ball. I was expecting to need to go to the hospital sometime that morning, but hours went by I really didn't know when I should go. I didn't feel like my contractions were strong enough even though they were coming close together and last a minute or so. Eventually I was getting to the point where I had to breathe through my contractions and wasn't able to talk through them. We decided to go get checked, and around noon we headed to the hospital.
We went through the whole process of being checked and I was only dilated to 1.5, so I walked the halls for an hour, but I didn't progress. The nurse agreed I was in labor, but since I wasn't progressing she wanted me to go home and labor some more there. She said it could be a while. I was disappointed and upset to say the least.
When I went back home my labor slowed down, but I was still having painful contractions. The day came and went, the night came and went...once again I could not sleep well. I was getting so tired. The next day I decided to get checked just for the heck of it. I got sent home. Then that night I was at my parent's house and the contractions really started coming hard, I knew this was finally it. Nestor and I went back to our place with my mom, and I tried to labor there for a while. I was starting to be in so much pain, and we went to the hospital. The nurse who checked me was very rude and I didn't like her at all. It was almost like she didn't believe I was really in pain. She checked me and I was only dilated to 2 so she sent me back home. I was very frustrated. I had no idea when I was supposed to go to the hospital. My contractions were coming every 5 minutes, lasting a minute or so, and they were so painful I couldn't talk through them. How was I supposed to know when to come back? The nurse didn't have much of an answer. She said when I couldn't stand it anymore I should come back. All I could think was um, ya...we're there.
I was so tired...going on night three of no sleep, and in so much pain. Back at home Nestor, my mom, and Laura decided to take shifts and stay up with me. It was about 10:00 or so. I tried to take a bath, but the tub kept draining on its own and the water went cold. Then I tried getting rest and laying in bed, but I was in so much pain laying down wasn't helping. My contractions were coming one after the other about every 5 minutes and lasting 2-3 minutes. Some of my contractions would start before the last one would end. It was intense and I just wanted some relief. I got out of bed to ask my mom to heat some water for a hot compress on my lower back. I was trying to help her find a pot in the kitchen when I got a contraction, I was breathing through it when all the sudden I felt a 'pop'.
"I think my water just broke!" I told my mom.
"Really? Are you sure?" She asked. No water came out.
"Maybe. I think so. I donno, I can't tell."
We went into the bathroom and sure enough my water had broke. Finally we were going to the hospital. This time I knew they would keep me.
At the hospital, my contractions continued to come hard and often and last a long time. The nurse said they were lasting 3 minutes and some of them overlapping. I was doing my best to cope. I was breathing, I relied heavily on someone to breathe with me, it was the only way I could get through the peak of a contraction. I bounced on the birthing ball and hung and swayed on Nestor as he held me up. But desperate for constant encouragement, I couldn't help but keep saying, "I can't do this, I can't do this...Mom, what is transition like, cause this is really hard. If transition is worse than this i can't do it..."
"I don't know honey" she answered. For me this is what transition was like. "I don't think it will get any worse."
I used the birthing tub a lot. I relied on it heavily. It helped relax me and helped with the pain. Everything is a blur. All I can remember is the pain, shaking, being disoriented, breathing like my life depended on it. Nestor and my mom were amazing. The way Nestor helped me during labor made me fall even more in love with him. I was a mess and he was there the whole time to help me walk, get dressed, get undressed, use the bathroom, get in and out of the tub, help me breathe, and the list goes on. They were my lifesavers.
I didn't get mad, or irritated, or scream. I cried a little. Mostly just a tear would fall here and there. I was glad I didn't get angry, but I honestly didn't feel like that. I just needed my Nestor and my mom so badly, I didn't want them to leave me. Time went by faster than I thought it would, but I couldn't help but ask, "How much longer? How much longer? I just wanna know how much longer." I knew no one had the answer for me. I just wanted to hear them tell say it was almost over. I was so exhausted I was snoring between contractions. Then they were starting to slow down. Because of this I had to get out of the tub. I had been at 5cm for hours and it was around noon on Wednesday. I didn't want pitocin, but I had been in hard labor for 17 hours and I was not progressing, my water had been broke for 13 hours...it was time. So they put me on the drip. I was scared of the pitocin. I knew my contractions would be much more painful. In my fear I asked for the epidural, but the nurses convinced me to wait, and try it with the pitocin first before getting it. I did really want to go without the epidural so I consented.
Back in the tub and on the drip the contractions were right on top of each other again, overlapping, lasting 3 minutes long. The tub didn't seem to be helping. These contractions were beyond intense. And hour had gone by and I was so very tired. A tear dripped down my face as I gripped my mom's hand and locked eyes with her, focusing everything I had on breathing with her. I watched as a tear also fell down her face. She had just returned to the bathroom. I was pretty sure she had excused herself to go cry. I looked over at Nestor and his head was turned away. I saw tears there also. I was a mess and my support was breaking down.
"I can't do this..." I repeated "How much longer?"
"Do you want the epidural?" My mom half begged. "You did all you could for Gabriel. She told me. You're a good mama you did the best you could for you baby. You gave it your best shot. It's ok to get it. Don't feel bad. You didn't fail." her words were so appreciated and sweet. I agreed. And I didn't feel bad. I was at the end of myself. I was three night without sleep. If I didn't get some rest I had no idea how I would have the energy to push this baby out, and as it was the doctor had already said an hour earlier that I might be getting a C-section.
The nurse came in and said that if I wanted the epidural I had to get it now. She had caught the anesthesiologist right as she was about to go into surgery. I got out of the tub and my body was shaking so terribly from the pain. They rushed to dry me off and I think I got the quickest epidural ever. It took her less than 10 minutes to put it in. And it really didn't hurt. Nothing could hurt more than the pain I was feeling. It was amazing how instantaneous the pain left me, and I was so grateful for the relief. I fell asleep and snored for hours. I only woke when the nurses would come in to position me so that Gabriel would be lined up correctly.
It was almost 7:30 at night when my doctor delivered the beautiful news...i was complete. 10 cm and fully effaced. I was so surprised and relieved. I was going to have this baby naturally. I started pushing. I pushed lightly at first, just going with the urge and not sure exactly how hard i needed to push. I soon realized that you have to push harder than you think is physically possible. I don't know how I found the energy to do it. My body was spent. I was passing out and snoring between pushing, and vomiting. I could feel my blood vessels bursting and my face swelling more and more. I was so out of it. I don't know how I did it. But after four hours of pushing Gabriel was crowning. I could feel that I was tearing, and I knew I should push slower to allow myself to stretch, but I didn't care. I wanted it over, and I wanted my baby out. One big push and there was the head, then immediately I pushed with all my might despite the pain from the tearing and I kept pushing. I let out a cry at the very end from exerting so much effort. Then...the relief. My baby was born. It was 12:23am Thursday morning, September 30th 2010. 71 hours of labor from start to finish.
I collapsed back onto the bed as they handed me Gabriel and I saw my baby boy for the first time. What an amazing feeling! I was euphoric! I did it and here was my precious baby! He was so beautiful. I was so tired and emotional all I could do was cry as I held my baby in my arms. I can still hear his little cry and cough, and see his little eyes blinking as he looked up at me. With tears in my eyes I looked up at Nestor and he smiled at me and stroked my face.
"Look what we made!" he said. I looked at my mom and we cried. It was the most beautiful moment I have ever had.
I wouldn't trade one moment of my experience for the world. I'm glad I felt every bit of the pain and every bit of the relief and happiness. I wish I could have gone without the epidural, but I honestly don't regret getting it. I know I did the best that I could. It was such a horrible, yet magnificent time in my life, and I got the best reward...my Gabriel.
