Since I found out I was pregnant I immediately had fears concerning the pain in labor...not being able to control it, not being strong enough to endure it. I have never really had any strong feelings concerning the use of medications during childbirth so the use of an epidural seemed like an easy solution to my fears.
When I went to my very first prenatal visit, I was filling out the required paperwork and in the section inquiring of planned medications to be used I marked 'epidural'. I immediately felt guilty and have been debating this decision ever since. It just didn't feel right, but my fear made me feel as if it was my only option. I talked to Nestor about it... he is so amazing and sweet he just supported my decision, wanting me to be comfortable. Still, I felt uneasy. Since I wasn't against the use of medication I couldn't understand why I had no peace about it. I wasn't sure if it was because I was afraid of what others would think or not, and I didn't want my decision based on that.
I started researching epidurals, I read about all the benefits and all the risks, but I was still neutral. The list of risks might be enough to change other womens' minds, but not mine. That fear of not having the strength to endure labor pain loomed over me like a cloud. The way I saw it, so many women get epidurals these days and everything turns out fine for them. I wanted the epidural, but still...no peace. I searched and searched for something horrific enough to convince me. I even tried to find a medical reason that would prevent me from being able to have an epidural, and I almost found one. There were some articles that stated my scoliosis could interfere with the placement of an epidural, but that turned out to be pretty uncommon. So I was stuck. No one could make the decision for me, and I couldn't make it for myself.
Next on my list...researching natural childbirth. I still could not be swayed one way or the other until I came across this natural childbirth website http://www.birthingnaturally.net/christian/index.html that approached labor from a christian perspective. Why hadn't I thought of that? Of course I realized that childbirth was designed by God and he made our bodies to deliver babies, but I had never thought it out further. Reading the articles on the site all I can say is 'wow'! God blew my mind and immediately I had such a peace I knew natural childbirth was the right decision for me, and my fear was gone! All the medical reasons couldn't persuade me but God definitely could!
Suddenly the whole idea of childbirth wasn't about me. This pain isn't going to be done to me, this is something that God is allowing me to do in order to give my baby life! When I take the focus off of me I think of how selfish I was being to consider my own comfort over the well being of my child! I am not against medicine, but labor is not an illness that requires medicine...its a gift. God has given me this incredible gift to make a baby in my body and deliver it into the world using only my body. And how foolish it would be of me to rely on my own strength and medicine to get me through rather than my Lord. I cannot do it without God, but I trust Him and know that He will always take care of me and get me through. So suddenly I don't have to be strong enough. God is my strength. "It is possible that by bringing a woman through such a difficult time of pain and hard work, God displays his ability to give her strength." I think enduring the pain of childbirth is just the beginning of God showing me what He can do for me, and the strength He can provide me as a mother.
I always viewed the pain in childbirth as something God had little to do with because of the 'punishment' that was put on Eve in Genesis, but I was so wrong! He has completely changed for me the idea of labor pain being a punishment. There are so many amazing insights God showed me through viewing childbirth from His perspective. I could only touch on the main points. But I encourage anyone who is expecting to look into Christian childbirth. How amazing it is learning to trust God with something I never considered to trust Him with!
Thank you, Lord that you are faithful even when my faithfulness lacks! I put my trust in you!
